jokes

[ZERAT]

Q:why did the leprachaun wear 2 condoms?

A:to be sure to be sure :P

[newportbadboy]

Ginger jokes!

[herojuana]

my personal favourite joke is:

Engin :P

[ZERAT]

a woman goes into a bar and tells a man she's recently changed her name to carmen because she likes cars and men....the man says well iv recently changed my name to charlie beer cunt


:haha:

[Raskil]

thats not funny liam :S

[shadow]

It made him laugh:P

[herojuana]

It made him laugh:P

saying that, a ball of yarn will keep him entertained for hours, if not days :bleh:

[Mic Cheque]

A husband and wife were sitting watching TV when he turned to his wife and said..........

"Babe tell me something that will make me happy and sad all at the same time".

She said.. "Out of all your mates you have the biggest cock ".

[$treet pharmaci$t]

A husband and wife were sitting watching TV when he turned to his wife and said..........

"Babe tell me something that will make me happy and sad all at the same time".

She said.. "Out of all your mates you have the biggest cock ".

best joke so far

[Diezel]

Whats got 90 balls and makes a woman sweat .....?













A bingo machine ......:haha:

[Sir Mankalot]

A husband and wife were sitting watching TV when he turned to his wife and said..........

"Babe tell me something that will make me happy and sad all at the same time".

She said.. "Out of all your mates you have the biggest cock ".

:haha:

[pinzNneedlz]

AWFUL SCAM BEING PERPETRATED ON US FOLKS


Please tell your husband/male friends, etc. shopping at Home Depot about this scam!

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. This one caught me by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex window cleaner, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.

It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds. You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet...!!

I had my wallet stolen March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th & 28th. Also April 2nd & 4th, twice on the 8th, 9th, and three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend..

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Walmart has wallets on sale for 2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at Big Lots and bought them out. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Home Depot.....


BE CAREFUL

[HellRaiser]

I can't give you rep right now, but if I could I would Pinz.

Lmao, classic. :haha::thumbs:

[pinzNneedlz]

i can't take the cred for that one...my DAD of all people sent that to me in an email today. i thought it would fit perfectly with this thread...come on people!!! let's here some good jokes...

[Mic Cheque]

There were three prostitutes living together, a mother, daughter and grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down. "How did you get on tonight Dear?" asked her mother. "Not too good," replied the daughter. "I only got $20 for a blow job." "Wow!" said the mother, "In my day we gave a blow job for 50 cents!" "Good God!" said the Grandmother. "In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"

[HellRaiser]

+1 for nasty Mic. ;)

[ZERAT]

a red bull walks into a bar and orders a pint of lager.

the barman says "you know there is a drink named after you"

the bull replied "what, Steve?"

:haha:

[Mic Cheque]

There was this woman see, and she takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Without her knowing, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides the lover in the closet, where the little boy is also hiding.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250."


In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover end up in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
Man - remembering last time, asks, "How much?"
Boy - "$750."
Man - "Fine."


A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says "$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again!"

[Essayeffsee]

So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said Why?" He said "My dog's died."

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything

cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!

[$treet pharmaci$t]

My friend text me she said what does "idk" mean So I said "I dont know" she said omg no one knows :P

Knee slapper

[pinzNneedlz]

After about 8 years of marriage, a woman finally confides in her husband that she is not confident with the size of her breasts, and wants them to be bigger.

The husband contemplates for a bit, and comes up with a fantastic solution.
"Here hun, just rub this tissue between your breasts several times a day, and your breasts should get larger!!!"

The wife makes this a ritualistic practice over the next few months, and yet nothing seems to be happening. After some sorted debate in her mind she goes to her husband and says..."Who or what or where did you hear this from, I think you have been mistaken as my boobs haven't gotten any bigger at all!!!"

The husband replies..."WELL IT CERTAINLY WORKED FOR YOU ASS!!!!!!"

[Mic Cheque]

http://i31.tinypic.com/jz7l05.jpg

[pinzNneedlz]

Here's something to think about.
I recently picked a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 49.)


A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'


He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'

'Oh no,' I replied... 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'


Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?


'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'


'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'


'No, I don't,' I said.


He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'


'No,' I said.


He looked at me and said,... 'Then, why do you even give a shit?

[Mic Cheque]

http://i30.tinypic.com/2hdu23q.jpg

[HellRaiser]

Another good one Pinz... :thumbs:

http://i30.tinypic.com/2hdu23q.jpg

:haha: