Advice Needed - Old Friends Please

[spam]

Well im in a jam and need the advice of some random people on the internet lol -

didnt think id be back but i need advice -

Background info - Im in residence at university, im almost 18, and a girl is killing me.

Shes a year older than me but because shes from Montreal shes in my year (1st). She lives next door to me so i see her a lot. She has a long term boyfriend (year and a half) and is an ex-model. shes super hot (scale of 1 - 10.....11). The problem is the boyfriend

This girl is amazing, loves everything i love (sports lol) and smokes more pot than any other person ive ever seen.

Ive chilled with her for like a month and a half and we became almost best friends. I had hope for a fool at the beginning, but as time went on i just tried to view her as a friend.

Ive noticed that she was fighting with her boyfriend a lot and i thought they might break up. They fought many times since September.

So saturday night she gets in a fight with her bf, and tears a pic of him up. We drink in a group and go out to a bar. Just so happens its the first night i was ever rejected from a bar (i look older) and my fake ID got taken away. Went back with my friend to my rez and i got retarded. smoked 2 joints and drank a lot more.

very very long story short after talking with her for a while (after she came back) and giving her the fair chance to do nothing with me - we ended up having sex.

Now the problem - next day she tells me she told her bf that they were on hold. Im like cool - the night before i told her she would have to deal with the bf if i was to do anything. We spend the day together....kind of awkward but nothing serious. We didnt tell any of our friends so it was impossible to get alone time with her.

So the boyfriends calls a lot now and finally she picks up the phone (after a day of ignoring it......like 150 missed calls no joke, guy must be retarded) she answers. She hasnt told him that she cheated on him and is talking to him kind of normally again, like they were going out. She even told him she loved him after he said it.....its weird.

So people of oddthought - am i a one night deal, is she afraid to break up with him because they have been together for a long time........im in a bad spot and just want to hear some opinions.

[dave]

i think maby she is scared to break up with him and doesent want to lose u as a friend, but fuck budy is cool, if u really like her thought tell her. nothing worse than when u dont tell her how much u like her.

[Flashman]

damn - I remember those days.

Best advice is to be cool, at times almost to the point of ignoring her. But when you do happen to be together and have a chance to speak alone - be a real, sweet, caring guy - ask how she's feeling, ask how she's doing, ask ask ask - all about her. Don't give her any advice about what she should do about the b/f, or even really talk about him at all. Then, when you're finished talking (don't let this part drag on and get boring) tell her that she'll always be special to you and that if she ever needs a shoulder to cry on - that you'll be there. Then tell her that you hope you'll find someone like her one day. And then walk away.

repeat until landed.

[hoos]

Spam, spam spam, caught in a love triangle. I love it...

Seriously, it sounds like she is afraid to break up with him since they have been dating a while and b/c he seems like a psycho. Sounds like you shouldn't get involved between the two of them (like flash said) and that you shoudld be fine.

[the squid of despair]

Kill him...

[shawna]

Definately play it cool. She is obviosly attracted to you but you don't want to sweat her. If you rush her you might only push her away, at the same time you don't want her to think she can string you along this triangle untill she feels like breakin it. You definately don't wanna be like stalker dude w/ 150 calls a day. Put your game face on. Be layed back, play it cool. Don't devote yourself to her, she is not deveoted to you. Do your own thing. She will come to you. Everbody likes a little challange, so give her one. Good Luck!!!!

[GayAsInHappy]

Fucking you while drunk is not necessarily an indicator of a) her level of attraction to you or b) her interest in you as a boyfriend. Her everyday behavior is. Tell her you'd like to date her if she ever loses the other guy, then be cool and give her time to think about what she wants. DON'T be her shoulder to cry on...it's all you'll ever be if you do that. If he comes up, just say that she already knows how you feel about it and change the topic to something you are mutually interested in. That gets her thinking about you and her, not her and him.

She might be hot, but no amount of hotness is worth being a doormat. If she likes you, she'll date you.

[Spork!!!]

Be her friend, and keep looking. Most people want what they can't have, or what is "someone else's", so if you do hook up with someone else she'll find you even more attractive.
But shit, hopefully you have lots of years left and plenty more fish in the sea yet m8. A guy who is in touch with his own emotions like you should "pull 'em" alright.

[Flashman]

Fucking you while drunk is not necessarily an indicator of a) her level of attraction to you or b) her interest in you as a boyfriend. Her everyday behavior is. Tell her you'd like to date her if she ever loses the other guy, then be cool and give her time to think about what she wants. DON'T be her shoulder to cry on...it's all you'll ever be if you do that. If he comes up, just say that she already knows how you feel about it and change the topic to something you are mutually interested in. That gets her thinking about you and her, not her and him.

She might be hot, but no amount of hotness is worth being a doormat. If she likes you, she'll date you.

I didn't say BE her shoulder to cry on - just offer it ;)

[A&H?]

Fucking you while drunk is not necessarily an indicator of a) her level of attraction to you or b) her interest in you as a boyfriend. Her everyday behavior is. Tell her you'd like to date her if she ever loses the other guy, then be cool and give her time to think about what she wants. DON'T be her shoulder to cry on...it's all you'll ever be if you do that. If he comes up, just say that she already knows how you feel about it and change the topic to something you are mutually interested in. That gets her thinking about you and her, not her and him.

She might be hot, but no amount of hotness is worth being a doormat. If she likes you, she'll date you.

IMO, this is the best advice I've seen on this thread, tho some of the other advice has been solid as well.

No matter how hot she is... Someone, somewhere, is tired of her shit.

[Santo]

Kill him...

he is onto something

[the squid of despair]

he is onto something


Finaly someone notes my genius...

[Jacx]

u can do this 2 ways...u can play it cool...and be the MAN..the kind heart...or the bastard that she just might love....

Or you can just be you man...I mean like, be real, if she is going to like you for who you are and if she was to want to be with you for who you are....then shes gotta accept you for who you are here and now.

Play the game if u want to fuck (which u managed without the game), be you and nothing more if you want the real deal.

As for how you deal with bf...thats not your issue, you told her, u aint doing shit with him and her together, thats respect for him and respect FOR YOU!!! If she keeps switching to being on and off with him...walk away, or get ur leg over but dont expect commitment.

But at end of day, u want real and dont want to be the muppet in the middle, just act according as to how you want to be treated!

[SweetHoney]

spam~

A lot of very sound advice. Flashman had my first vote. Shawna validated. Then came the sage advice from GayAsInHappy. And finally Jacx has some good points as well.

The only advice I can think of besides what has already been said...boils down to your motivation in the first place. Are YOU seeking a long term relationship? It has been my experience that if a person is willing to cheat on someone to BE with you, the likelihood that they will cheat while with you to be with someone else is far greater.

Observation: Commitment is not her first and best virtue. You would do well to keep this relationship in the realm of fuck-buddy if at all possible...she will LIKELY break your heart on any other level. *imho*

[the squid of despair]

spam~

A lot of very sound advice. Flashman had my first vote. Shawna validated. Then came the sage advice from GayAsInHappy. And finally Jacx has some good points as well.

The only advice I can think of besides what has already been said...boils down to your motivation in the first place. Are YOU seeking a long term relationship? It has been my experience that if a person is willing to cheat on someone to BE with you, the likelihood that they will cheat while with you to be with someone else is far greater.

Observation: Commitment is not her first and best virtue. You would do well to keep this relationship in the realm of fuck-buddy if at all possible...she will LIKELY break your heart on any other level. *imho*



Did you miss my post? :S If so here it is again...

Kill him...

[SweetHoney]

Oh...and then there is Killaho's response that bears some resemblance to logic in the case where all else fails...kill her...oh wait...kill him. Ah...whatever works. Kill 'em all. *weg*

[Gringo]

I think you have a few options here mate!

1) Walk away.... from experience, I have got my self involved with women who have boyfriends way too many times, mainly becaue of reasons similar to what your friend is going through! Although at the time it seems exciting, it is not fair on you, her or her boyfriend to get involved!

2) Fight for her..... if you truely beleive that you want to be with this girl, go all out to try and get this girl for you! Althogh this may end in tears, you don't wanna say to yourself in time to come " what if " ........

And like Jacx said, be yourself mate! You shuold never change your ways for anyone, if its meant to be it will happen!
Consider this though, if she says she loves him and wants to be with him, yet she slept with you..... that would scare me to be honest!

Dont be second best at anytime in your life and at the moment you are with this girl! Its hard to do the right thing in life, but whatever you do choose to do, will be the right thing for you at the time..... and no regrets!!!!

I hope you find the right path mate, one of many crossroads in your life ;)

[Buckledmac]

i say get her liqoured up again and take advantage :)

[CrayZii-InDiaN]

i say get her liqoured up again and take advantage :)

thats wat coward will do.. to get an girl...

since she had a long-term relationship its hard to break it off just in seconds.. as for a gurl it takes ages to forget the guy she loves so much

what you can do is.. dont get too close to her atm give her a space and she will realise how u r to her.. being close to her atm moment will react to her in different ways and she could just say.. thanks for everything and being their for me and lebel you as a best friend.. so talk but not close like you use to before..

[Uganja]

If its long term, and you actually like this girl & want it to work.... she'll need space after she gets rid of her man (which will happen bud, just with time).

Last thing she will want to do (and the last place you will want to be) is jump straight into another relationship... its obvious you want something more serious with her, but if she senses that, she'll probably get a bit freaked out & head in the opposite direction.

As mentioned you should play it cool, dont be an arsehole, just try and be fun to be around, like Flashman said, ask her loads of stuff, women generally love people who can listen... and as you said she's pretty hot, most hot women like to be heard & appreciated, rather than just looked at and appreciated. (But i'm sure you've been working those lines already, hence how you managed a night with her ;)) - People who are already criticising her for treating you like a doormat are idiots... they are just saying that because she's "hot".... its just jealousy, not all good looking people are players.

Just be cool, take a step back, dont scare her off with serious stuff & when the subject of her boyfriend comes up.. be cheerfull & try to find out how she's feeling (but by putting your feelings aside, they will be fullfilled with time...).

This girl is within your grasp... but your next few moves are important.



Heh, and people think i'm a player :s

[Buckledmac]

thats wat coward will do.. to get an girl...

since she had a long-term relationship its hard to break it off just in seconds.. as for a gurl it takes ages to forget the guy she loves so much

what you can do is.. dont get too close to her atm give her a space and she will realise how u r to her.. being close to her atm moment will react to her in different ways and she could just say.. thanks for everything and being their for me and lebel you as a best friend.. so talk but not close like you use to before..

i disagree vinay, its what a player would do ;)


but i wasnt being serious of course - i was just acting the fool:hidey:

[Calienta]

Many a time the 'friend' has turned into something more. A girl can fully appreciate how much a guy has helped just by listening, and how sensitive he is *sigh* , and usually the only thing stopping a relationship with him is the girl isn't attracted (kiss him!? That'd be like kissing my brother!) But since she already has ... I think you'll be just fine :)

[Flashman]

Win her heart and her sole will follow.

sounds fishy....

[CrayZii-InDiaN]

i disagree vinay, its what a player would do ;)


but i wasnt being serious of course - i was just acting the fool:hidey:

lolz i know dat also but he is not lookin on playing on this relationship simon

so yea think about frm his point of view.. he really likes her i think

[Buckledmac]

sounds fishy....

thats comedy gold right there(Y)

[Pot4life]

i think maby she is scared to break up with him and doesent want to lose u as a friend, but fuck budy is cool, if u really like her thought tell her. nothing worse than when u dont tell her how much u like her.

completely agree! fuck buddy seems like all ur going to be, dont tell her how much you feel for her, it will fuck over the friendship * sigh*

stay mates, OR make sure she knows AND you know anything that happens is a one night kinda thing ( no emotional attachment)

[hoos]

smokie, it's soul, not sole. I don't think he wants to be the bottom of her shoe ;)

[VikesWookie]

u really want a girl who deals w/ relationship crisises by fuckin around? as hot as she may be, she obviously has something wrong going on upstairs not to talk out her issues w/ current bf.
would u feel secure after you're first argument being her bf? especially if you were apart from her at the time of the drama... it sounds to me that she has some growing up to do b4 she's ready for you. the best thing for u to do would be to stay successful and let her see what a great guy she could have. you'll have to let her figure herself out tho... being a counselor/bf doesn't work out in the long run...
hope the best to ya in whatever u decide...

[spam]

ok so ive tried to write this 3 times and ive been interupted 3 times (she walked in the room once)

ok this might be my last post again for a while. might come back for a little bit....who knows

1. THIS FORM SHOULD BOOT THE LITTLE CUNTS WHO MAKE IT BAD. Killaho you arent funny and you probably havent been layed.....ever. Get a fake ID - your like 13 - and go to a bar. Read the book, "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Should give you a look of your future if you dont step it up.

2. Everyone read the book, "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Amazing. The sub-title is "Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick Up Artists"

3..............as im typing this she came in and asked me if i wanted coffee.....guess im 4/4 for interuptions.

4. Before i read your responses i talked to her. to quote, "So it needs to be asked, was it a one night deal? For my sanity please give me a straight answer, thats all i want" and the answer.......you guessed it lol - to quote again, "Sorry". So we talked to a bit - shes going to tell her bf (whos brother is a big drug dealer) and im pretty sure im going to die. W/e thats not important right now. Either way, im not 2 pissed. Its just awkward because we are like best friends. If she stays with the guy ill never touch her again. If she breaks with him right now....who knows.

Oh and cali probably had the smartest post in my mind. She does like me and because we are so compatible (and now i find out shes attracted to me) there is no reason why it cant happen again.

Ok thanks oddthough. Nice to talk to people who i havent talk to in a while.

Jacx, Hoos, Uganja, buckle and all - hope all is good and your happy. Have fun in the game/life.

Peace all and thanks for the comments.

[GayAsInHappy]

People who are already criticising her for treating you like a doormat are idiots... they are just saying that because she's "hot".... its just jealousy, not all good looking people are players.

Uganja, I hope that wasn't directed at me...but since you repeated my word (doormat) I have no choice but to assume it was. Maybe before you get your psychotherapist's license you should learn that the female mind does not think only in terms of competition and jealousy.

Spam, my intent was to CAUTION against being a doormat, which has happened to quite a few of my male friends while nursing a girl through a break-up. Break-ups are confusing enough without another man involved. In your situation the potential for hurt feelings exists, however unintentional.

It sounds like you've got it all pulled together though, that you are sensitive and kind and she will recognize this when she is ready for a new relationship. Good luck.

[the squid of despair]

Why would you turn this into a flaming thread? :S

And why did you choose to single me out for 2 words?

[VikesWookie]

that avatar is quite reprehensable...

[Uganja]

Uganja, I hope that wasn't directed at me...but since you repeated my word (doormat) I have no choice but to assume it was. Maybe before you get your psychotherapist's license you should learn that the female mind does not think only in terms of competition and jealousy.

Spam, my intent was to CAUTION against being a doormat, which has happened to quite a few of my male friends while nursing a girl through a break-up. Break-ups are confusing enough without another man involved. In your situation the potential for hurt feelings exists, however unintentional.

It sounds like you've got it all pulled together though, that you are sensitive and kind and she will recognize this when she is ready for a new relationship. Good luck.

lol... You already irritate me.... do you enjoy the sound of your own voice love?

Welcome to the forum (f)

[spam]

I had a big response typed and she walked into the room and over to my comp...i was behind her. Closed the window very quickly so ill sum it up fast:

Killaho - its not a flame thread if i never respond again. The thread will just die. You immature, stupid, and you need to grow up. I took over this game at 14!!!!! Won like 5 medals with the associates. People respected me. 14. I was more respected than guy that were 25. It was funny shit.

Wont be a tool to her. No worries. Im a tough ass if i may say so myself. If im getting fucked around ill put an end to it.

Oh.....new topic - Has anyone delt with a crazy ex-boyfriend before? P :S lol

edit - i just realized its october 2006.....i started playing in begining of nov 2003. wow almost 3 years.

[the squid of despair]

Killaho - its not a flame thread if i never respond again. The thread will just die. You immature, stupid, and you need to grow up. I took over this game at 14!!!!! Won like 5 medals with the associates. People respected me. 14. I was more respected than guy that were 25. It was funny shit.

Wont be a tool to her. No worries. Im a tough ass if i may say so myself. If im getting fucked around ill put an end to it.



Maybe so but your only acting like an ass now.

[wetzelsix]

One piece of advice from someone who used to run a residence hall is make sure things don't get weird between the two of you or she may ask to be moved to a different residence hall. I have seen it happen when "friends" become more than that. The hurt one ends up moving to another residence hall and the two never speak to one another. Ask yourself what is most important to you: her friendship or her as a girlfriend. Both will suffer if she moves out because of something "weird."

[spam]

thanks rez man. good thoughts.

thats not my situation though. were not that awkward now. its not normal....lol, but it is acceptable. Believe me, no one is moving out.

yes killaho i am being an ass. if anything im also being a prick. take the advice from a guy who really doesnt give a fuck about you. think about that. i really dont care about you and im telling you my honest opinion. you wont get true genuine opinions from anyone unless they truely dont give a fuck lol. I know its funny to be hated because its just the internet, but even respect from internet people feels good. Better than being ragged on like right now. Notice how not 1 person has said really anything bad? R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

really thank you people. ive gotten PMs, people have messaged me on MSN who i havent talk to in a while. i truly do miss you people.

[VikesWookie]

if you're tough why worry about a dealer? tough guys don't fret about other tough guys. i'd get away from that thought since she doesn't seem impressed by the power thing. maybe i'm wrong, but i'm assuming that ur trying to make ur life at being something other than a thug...
i've got respect for ya not b/c of DW actions but rather from the fact that this is a struggle you're having and instead of just jumping into something that may have plenty of backlash... you're asking for some help.
spam has respect for this girl... let's give him some respect back plz...

[spam]

if you're tough why worry about a dealer? tough guys don't fret about other tough guys. i'd get away from that thought since she doesn't seem impressed by the power thing. maybe i'm wrong, but i'm assuming that ur trying to make ur life at being something other than a thug...
i've got respect for ya not b/c of DW actions but rather from the fact that this is a struggle you're having and instead of just jumping into something that may have plenty of backlash... you're asking for some help.
spam has respect for this girl... let's give him some respect back plz...

wowow - dont get me wrong. there was a misunderstanding her. IM NOT TOUGH. lol

im a small jewish kid lol. ive never been in a fight.....and i dont see it happening any time soon.

Im tough MINDED. lol. I wont stand for being shit on lol.

[Cowboy From Hell]

u really want a girl who deals w/ relationship crisises by fuckin around? .......

my thought exactly.

Seems you are very into her and when that happens our thinking and reason gets fucked up.

Think about what vikes said.

the best to you mate.(Y)

[the squid of despair]

yes killaho i am being an ass. if anything im also being a prick. take the advice from a guy who really doesnt give a fuck about you. think about that. i really dont care about you and im telling you my honest opinion. you wont get true genuine opinions from anyone unless they truely dont give a fuck lol. I know its funny to be hated because its just the internet, but even respect from internet people feels good. Better than being ragged on like right now. Notice how not 1 person has said really anything bad? R-E-S-P-E-C-T.



Yeah you're right. No one has said anything bad except you. I'm still not sure why your flaming me here. I have a feeling it may have to do with Jew/Race discussion. Only thing I can imagine since you seem to harbor such a hate for me, weird. I mean we've never talked, I barely see you, and I don't recall ever posting about you. Regardless, continue not giving a fuck about me, you obviously give enough of a fuck to blow up my 2 words into something...

[GayAsInHappy]

lol... You already irritate me.... do you enjoy the sound of your own voice love

We seem to have some things in common. :ice:

[tca]

spam, baseball bats make very quick work of "tough guys" who wanna bash you over shit that is none of their business in the first place (Y)

good luck mate, sucks getting in a fight over a girl, but we will do crazy things eh :P

[hoos]

I'd have to agree with Vikes and GayasinHappy spam. You sure she's a keeper by having drunk sex with you b/c she was mad at her boyfriend? What if she gets mad with you and sleeps with the guy nextdoor? Are you gonna be happy with that? Just don't want to see you get all giddy and happy to get crushed down by a girl who thinks she can just screw any guy she wants because she is hot.

[Mikey:)]

Arguing in a relationship usually means both people feel very passionately about each other and when you ignore someone its usually to piss them off... if she didnt want him she would say... I think she enjoys the drama and emotion, so ask yourself is that what you want? If she's gonna tell her boyf why tell him who it was with, that is not important and if she cared about you then she wouldnt want to put youi at risk.... this girl is trouble and your cock is gonna lead you straight into it!

[Buckledmac]

Arguing in a relationship usually means both people feel very passionately about each other and when you ignore someone its usually to piss them off... if she didnt want him she would say... I think she enjoys the drama and emotion, so ask yourself is that what you want? If she's gonna tell her boyf why tell him who it was with, that is not important and if she cared about you then she wouldnt want to put youi at risk.... this girl is trouble and your cock is gonna lead you straight into it!

classic line fella (Y)


at the end of the day spam we can help all we can but its you that has to take our advice on board then decide for yourself what you want to do, good luck mate whatever the result :)

[spam]

ok, so that was a great quote and i dont know if i have any rebutal. Maybe the only thing i can say is i might let it lead me into trouble knowing it could hurt in the end. Knowing your making the wrong choice is always funny. I can honestly say i dont know if i can say i have enough will power to turn down a beautiful woman.

ok and killaho, i honestly have no idea what your talking about with the jew thing. i just wanted to voice my opinion.

[TJ60]

sleep with her sister or best friend...u will feel better afterwards(Y)

[the squid of despair]

sleep with her sister or best friend...u will feel better afterwards(Y)

THIS FORM SHOULD BOOT THE LITTLE CUNTS WHO MAKE IT BAD. TheJock60 you arent funny and you probably havent been layed.....ever. Get a fake ID - your like 13 - and go to a bar. Read the book, "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Should give you a look of your future if you dont step it up.

[TJ60]

i wasn't being funny, i was being serious. Yes i'm 13 yrs old and i'm virgin. I'm hoping u will fix that for me though.:$

[So Warped]

My only advice would be think with your head and not your cock, there is a porential of 3 people going to get hurt, you, her and him.

Gl.

[Metall_fan]

First of all spam don't expect much quality advice from the Internet. I mean come on, nobody here really knows you, her or what happened between you two other than what you typed. So don't take anything seriously.

Now on to my opinion. After reading a page or two of this thread I already formed an opinion that just like Hundav said you seem to be thinking with the wrong head, which is ok, she is hot, you are young and in college, so nothing really wrong here. She is going through a breakup + you two got high = perfect fuck-for-fun setup. Also the fact that you two are friends isn't really helping matters for a relationship, but just the opposite (speaking from my experience).
It could be more than a one night stand if:
- she just wants to have sex
- you just want to fuck her (being fuckbuddies is ok for both of you)
- you meet or exceed her bedtime expectations

However, if there really is some potential to long term, I think that Uganja gave you a solid advice on your plan of action.

[hoos]

THIS FORM SHOULD BOOT THE LITTLE CUNTS WHO MAKE IT BAD. TheJock60 you arent funny and you probably havent been layed.....ever. Get a fake ID - your like 13 - and go to a bar. Read the book, "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Should give you a look of your future if you dont step it up.

I just had to look at this and laugh

[Rex Mundi]

I don't think anyone would be daft enough to ask me for advice....but I'll have my two penneth worth anyway.

It sounds like there's a bit of relationship inertia going on here. If she's been going out with him for a while, it can be difficult to step out of a relationship, especially when external circumstances (ie hunka chunka'ing with you) may be fouling up the girl's radar.

Make your feelings towards her plain but at the same time, state that it would be a good idea to step back from things happening between you until she gets her shit in order. Once she's made a decision, develop your relationship along the appropriate lines (mate or sex slave).

The other alternative is to plant a midget porn stash on the bf, stand back, watch the fireworks then step in while she's vulnerable & shag her into next week :bdog: MWAAAHAAAHAAA !