Online Dating

[CrayZii-InDiaN]

Here is an interesting topic to debate about - Online Dating :P

1) Is it easier and more convenient to date online than traditional in-person dating ?

2) Which form of dating between the two takes a longer time to get to know the other party?

3) Which is more dangerous or might get you into trouble ?

4) Which is more fun and enjoyable?


When I say online dating,. I mean just not typing but with the microphone and vidcam and all the necessary toys for live conversation and chatting.

so share your thought and give opinion and etc... ;) :P

[Kloaked Spirit]

1) I'd say that it's probably easier for some people to date online. People that are shy or otherwise introverted would find going online easier. This way should they clam up or do something foolish, they look like less of a fool than in real life. Plus they can always block someone on msn/aim when things get sour.

For others it's probably easier to date in real life because the atmosphere of the date will help make it a more successful one.

2) Real life takes a longer time, if not only for the fact that you're more likely to "clean up" or "dress nice" before you revert to your normal everyday self.

3) Well if dateline has any say about it, than it'd be both are fairly dangerous. You run the risk of being lied to and/or manipulated online *buy me this, buy me that, do this and I'll come visit! Here's my "picture!"* Likewise in real life you could find yourself in the way of physical harm or dangerous situations.

4) Real life. Even if you develop an online relationship, there's always something special about the first time you all hook up in real life.

[Aeon]

i had alot to say on this subject but it all got deleted...*GRRR*

so in short..
i find them both ok...
and they both suck equally as well.

the thing, i think that bites the most is online.... if you like a person, maybe they live far away..then you never get to see em. That sucks.

[kitty]

I agree with Aeon..It does suck..

You learn so much more about the person that you are with when you do it the online way compared to in person.I think you get to know the real person better, the way they really are, what they like, think etc..You really form a bond with that person, and all that is left is figuring out if you are sexually compatiable. At the same time, you are left with the all the stress that is involved in not having that person there when you want them. Frustrations really build up quickly that way, and that is definately a hardship in the relationship. In person, people tend to hide things that they think and feel a bit more in the beginning and you are just working off of being sexually compatiable. That is not necessarily bad. I think they both have their ups and downs and dating is just hard in general lol.

[Calienta]

I have never been a fan of dating. I hate the awkwardness, etc ... Would just rather have a friend and maybe things go further, but it's never expected and is completely random.

I never understood the online deal, didn't get it and figured 'how do you know you love somebody if you've never met them?'

But I totally understand it now ... And while it may not be easy (okay it's bloody hard sometimes!) to tell some people that you haven't actually met your boyfriend yet ... I wouldn't change him for anybody (f)

I would suppose that online makes you know the person on a deeper level than if you had met them in person and were dating that way. People really tend to be more open online, they aren't afraid of that person thousands of miles away, and aren't shy or awkward cos you can just make up an excuse and leave msn if it comes to it :P

As for the sexually compatible ... Not saying that I do this (:O) but you can discuss what you're willing to do, etc ... Might even make sex that much better cos you already know what type of person your partner is going to be and exactly what they like ;)

[Kat]

You learn so much more about the person that you are with when you do it the online way compared to in person.I think you get to know the real person better, the way they really are, what they like, think etc..You really form a bond with that person, and all that is left is figuring out if you are sexually compatiable. At the same time, you are left with the all the stress that is involved in not having that person there when you want them. Frustrations really build up quickly that way, and that is definately a hardship in the relationship. In person, people tend to hide things that they think and feel a bit more in the beginning and you are just working off of being sexually compatiable. That is not necessarily bad. I think they both have their ups and downs and dating is just hard in general lol.
I agree with you in a way - it's very easy to get to know someone online. I don't think this has a lot to do with being more open, just that the conversation-hours you rack up online will be greater than those of a RL relationship.

I think there's also a sense in which you don't get to know someone online as quickly though, because you don't get to see them in everyday situations; you don't get to see how they cope with the stresses and strains of everyday life. If you're dating someone in RL you'll probably get to see fairly quickly what they're like first thing in the morning, what they're like when they've just got home and they're stressed out etc - while you might get an approxomation to this on the internet, there isn't the immediacy - they've probably travelled home before they come online, so they've chilled out - or they probably have a shower before them come online in the morning. Most importantly though, you don't get to see how they interact with other people in RL, and I think that's very important. You can tell an awful lot about a person from, say, how they talk to the waiter who brings them cold food, or how they talk to the homeless man on the way home who asks them for money. I expect that that's where a lot of the danger of taking online relationships into the RL comes from - they might be besotted with you, but you have little idea how they are with the rest of the world.

[miemio]

Good point about the socialbility of your partner you dont get to see so easily in onlinedating, Kat.

1) The net might be more convenient because you get an unlimited amount of people to choose from, and you get to base your interest in them on other things than looks. But a traditional date somehow feels more normal, you meet a person you like and you get to know them. If you dont want them you can reject them before you invest a lot of energy and emotion. (that part sucks bot in rl and onlinedating:P)

2)You get to know a persons mind better and faster the online way, but you get to know their personality faster in real life I believe. An image says more than a thousand words, but seeing someone in person will tell you even more.

3)
When you meet someone online you meet just fragments of their personality, edited to fit your needs sometimes. I know that the way you get to know someone online/on the phone/in letters is a very intimate and special way to form a bond between two people, and that it's quite possible to fall madly in love with someone you've never met.
It happened to me once, and it is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. Even though things didn't turn quite as the fairytale we planned I dont regret doing it, I am glad I got to experience that person and what happened between us, and what I learned from it. BUT... I would never do it again.

There is a danger in these relationships that you fall for the persona, for the thrill of having to wait, the longing and having someone who misses you all the time. If thats what keeps you in it, it wont last when you meet eachother. (unless you are good at redefining your roles) Also there is a very big chance that these relationships move forward too fast when they become "real", you know eachother from the inside out, but not from the outside in, which, afterall, is the usual way of getting to know people..

It might be harsh, but someone who is perfect for you in a distance might be the worst possible thing for you in person. But of course, if one has an adult mind and manages to see the dangers I am sure issues can be delt with and that it's possible to meet "the one" (or "one of yours") online.

Real life dating is much safer in my opinion.. altough if you're in love you can never really be safe:P

4) I guess they both have their qualities, and everything should be tried once, but Im personally gonna stick with the real life thing in the future:hidey:

[So Warped]

Nobody really knows.

[tca]

fuck online dating, pathetic waste of fucking time

[Jacx]

fuck online dating, pathetic waste of fucking time

Always one...fuck you too TCA :)


A lot of the points have been said above.

Online dating for me went like this.

I was often with friends, had plenty of girlfriends in my time etc. And of course i was helping out with this place + playing dws.

So anyways there i am playing one day and i see jaijai in the game...im gunning this round and i go to jump her...then i remember that i have never actualy spoken to this girl but have seen some of her posts around the forum and thought shes a decent down to earth girl who actually seems respectful and not a fluzy too.
So i decided not to jump her...i just messaged her ingame and said that im not gonna jump her as i think shes quite respectful in the forum and had to give her rep for that. She messaged back and we did that a lil back and forth.

Then one day one of us adds the other to msn (i forget and when she sees this im sure i will get a clip round the ear :S ) and we chat. She has a boyfriend at the time, who was currently living in canada working for microsoft blah blah. So becuase of that it was all respectful chat...no flirting just she seemed decent and she thought the same of me. Note she also worked in her spare time for a chat site as a admin so she knew all the pitfalls of speeking to people on the net.

Anyways one day this turd and her break up for reasons i can only leave to her to say, not my place. She decides to go offline...and stay offline...i remember getting a message from her that shes going offline..she explained she didnt trust people right now and off she went.

She however did come back online...but had blocked 99% of people in msn, did not visit this site nor chatweb where she admined...she came back becuase she needed to talk with a select few she trusted to talk to..budda was a top man during those days and kacy when she was less of a turd...and me!

Now granted..she and me had only been talking not really that long..but as said, i had never flirted as i classed her as a decent person and she didnt know why she could turn to me, but she said at the time she just could talk to me. The turd she broke up with had a very dark side (no i dont mean he hit her or shit like that..im talking demons..mental demons) which was something i could relate too as I have much of my life suffered demons. That ment as a friend i could explain his mentality with things, explain why he would suddenly say things ( he kept trying to communicate with her).

Basically myself and a few others became a rock for her..with me helping her i leaned lots about her..with me helping explain about the muppet she in turn learned lots about me. We were now not just good friends but well versed in mentality and thoughts ont he world. We were clicking.

Now u people gotta remember, i did NOT want a relationship...simply becuase i have very lil trust in the human race and i could not just trust anyone...and she did not want a relationship as especially with a guy from the net... But the more we spoke, the more we talked the more we bonded.

And thats the KEY, talk, not just flirt...we talked about life universe and everything...and suddenly i found i trusted this girl more than anything in this world and take a note here of the difference...if u remember me back then i was a evil rude and i will use the word cunt and i knew it and didnt care, yes i was there as friends for people, but i was arrogent, that comes with distrust. People moan at me these days that im too bloody mellow...yes thats becuase resa..trust and love does wonderfull things.

I digress, so were chatting and we got relaxed enough to get on cam (stop thinking that you filty fuckers). Now you need to understand something here, something me and resa were both smart enough to know, if your building a relationship online..YOU NEED A WEBCAM. Its not about sex or being flirty, its about "is that person REALLY who she or he appears to be"! So yes we got on cam and learned to relax about it...but before the cam was the first phone call...jusus it took her ages to get me on the phone...but we did it. If u cannot talk on the phone, u aint gonna work. But yes it worked...

Anyway back to the cam. Its not about showing your bloody body parts off, its about life. I used to turn my cam on...and then live my life...so if i was watching footie on the tv..she could see me..if i was reading the paper she could see me, if i scratched my arse..she bloody saw it...that was the point, we just was us...the closet thing to being real as u can on the net, and its ALL IMPORTANT.

So anyways we get to a point when we know..if this is gonna work, one of use needs to get on a plane, and she choose to be the one. So she came over...god bless her heart she stuggled with it, strange place, strange people and me being a tence fucker (hell this was new to me too). Both of us sharing a hotel room and trying to work out..is the other REAL...all that stuff on cam, was that the real you, the talk on the phone and the typing in msn ...was that real...answer for us..yes.

Then of course she goes back to states...and i feel very lost. Yes it was real, TOO bloody real, i almost went ofline myself, remeber i was untrusting of the world and she was being perfect. My demons almost take me away from her...but i fighted back and eventually traveled to hers and spend 2 fantastic weeks. I was over my demons myself and we had already been together so it was so natrual.

Now as u know, we now live together, have got married and people...shes wonderfull, my life is wonderfull and its all becuase of the lady resa.

So dont say net relationshops don't work...its bollocks. Yes we still have plenty of time to fuck it up but we wont. Online we learned we could TALK to each other and thats all important, something we make sure we carry on. When somethings up or were unsure about something we talk and thats a legasy we learned well.

Also all important is to NOT SHOVE IT IN EVERYONES FACE. For example there is a thread involving us about a supposed wedding get together...i think of it more as a good old party for friends. But how often do u see us flirting in the forums or sexing up threads with our "love"... Thats my point, we dont, or when we do, its kept to a min. Why, we dont need to, im my own person with my own intrests and shes her person with her interests. If she starts a thread..i will ONLY post in it, if it really interests me, not becuase i feel i have to as her partner..too many try to do that and its a strain, dont make nor feel that ur partner has to do that, be natrual about it. Works so much better in the long run.

So, talk, cam, phone, visits (and be safe with visits, people can appear to be something and turn out to be something else) and be true to yourself and tour partner.

Nuff said fuckers!

[tca]

Always one...fuck you too TCA :)

so first he says he wants to fuck me, then he says all the rest of it afterwards

talk about indecisive (a)

[JaiJai]

"what he said.."
Then one day one of us adds the other to msn (i forget and when she sees this im sure i will get a clip round the ear :S ) and we chat.
Nuff said fuckers!

It was a mutual, let's do this on msn It would be easier kind of thing :P


I agree with all Jacx said here.... Dating online at first can have its benefits, and did with us... especially since neither one of us were looking for it. I like how we got to know each other deeply inside first.. grew a bond, a deep friendship, a foundation.. before ever moving to the physical level. It may not work for everyone but it worked for us because we needed to move slowly and build Trust... which was important to both of us. And you do that with communication, which is what you predominantly have being just online.

However, there can definitely be a downside to seeking someone out online.. there are people out there who can and DO prey on vulnerable people that are desperate to find a boyfriend/girlfriend on the net. Same thing goes on in real life too, but at least you see with your eyes if that person is at least real, and not some 60 year old bald headed pervert faking it. "Sorry ridge" :giggle: :run:
j/k!!

Let's face it, the internet is the biggest form of communication these days.. we have busy lives and not everyone has the time or money to go out to bars, or the regular places where you meet dates.

So if you meet that someone that you feel you connect with online, I say go for it.. but just use precautions as we did. Just like John said.. utilize things you do have...talk on the phone, use webcams, meet up as early on as you feel comfortable with.. etc...and you might find your soulmate on the net. :)

[vixen]

hmmmmmmm on line dating.

I met my boyfriend over 8 years ago on line. When I moved to my apartment back then I would go to yahoo chat rooms and they had regional rooms. I would go to the regular yahoo chat and make fun of people there, I thought it was PATHETIC that people would chat this way. Another girl at the time told me about the Boston Regional room and we went there to trash on people (go figure) we wound up meeting some people that we all met on a regular basis at night and talked. Somebody mentioned meeting at a club in Boston for drinks etc. I wasn't going to go cause Boston seemed so scary at the time. Two friends convinced me to go. I had them over for dinner and then we went to Boston.

Mind you I hadn't be out to drink since my ex-fiance left me so I was PRIMED and ready to go. At that time I was SHIT FACED and met Ed to say hi and that was it.

A few weekends later I was inviting a few people to come to dinner. I had made a huge pot of homemade spaghetti sauce and said come on down. Well the other couple that was going to come, backed out...that was pre-planned I found out later....Ed came too dinner and we had been talking for a while at this point. We both knew we didn't want a relationship, vocalized that to the other and had a great night. When it came time to say good-bye it turned into a 2 hour departure on his part. We have been together ever since....it will be 8 years on November 29th!

So does on line dating work....I'd be the FIRST one to say yes...and I did it when it was totally tabu and there was no Match.com or whatever ones you know of.....

I'd recommend it again in a heartbeat, I met the most incredible man thanks to the internet

[Metall_fan]

Just when I developed fucktard attitude about online dating it actually worked for me.
These are my online dating principles:

- I stick to people in my area, so that there is none of that long distance "will we ever see each other?" romance drawn out for months or years.

- Rather than using it as communication medium, chatting for months before actually meeting, I use it as a quick date pickup place. Its very convinient, unlike trying to strike up a conversation in a bar, on the street or other random place. 2 weeks of chatting should be plenty to finally meet.

- Use person's profile and your convos as a minimal prescreening method, don't get too deep and philosophical in trying to decipher their character - you'll get it wrong anyway.

- Date, date, date. Meet the goddamn person, don't be quick to dismiss her/him. Worst case scenario you'll gain lots of experience and boost your confidence for next date.

[Pot4life]

someone get jays opinion on this, BTW i didnt read the whole thread so if we have had his opinion meh