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Phuquit
25th January 2007, 11:07 AM
One of the questions I get asked most often is "what do you actually do around here?".
Well aside from being an inspiration to millions, and the welcoming committee for newcomers, the answer to that question is "pretty much sod all". I kind of like to think that when viewed as a whole, my post history can be interpreted as a guide to self-improvement for mentally unstable narcissists. Either that, or a very long winded public suicide note...

Lately, I've been having this gnawing sensation at the back of my mind. It turned out to be a burrowing brain parasite. But while I was getting the last of the eggs scraped away (touch wood), I decided it was high time I did something more for the forum...

As some of you might know, for the last 6 months, I have been chained to a radiator in Rit's basement. During this time, I have had virtually unlimited access to something called "the internet". For those of you who don't know what it is, the internet is a huge scrapbook for retards and perverts seeking like-minded retards and perverts.

At this point, I must take pause, for I realise that some of you will never have read this many words at a single sitting. DON'T PANIC! There isn't going to be a test at the end of this. If it's all getting a bit too much for you, go take a look at sleepy kitten (http://content.ytmnd.com/content/e/4/2/e4211f105b6dfdb92de38c81414f29c1.gif), and come back when you feel more relaxed...

Where were we? Oh yes - the internet... Somebody once said that if all the porn were removed from the internet, there would only be two websites left - and both of those would be demanding the return of the porn. But hopefully, this infrequent series of articles will show you that there is much more to the internet than men with unpheasably elastic sphincters, and women who indulge in sexual acts with domestic animals. I'm not saying that men with unpheasably elastic sphincters, and women who indulge in sexual acts with domestic animals will never get their own feature articles in this thread, but I really want to scrape the bottom of the barrel first...

So grab your themos, strap yourself in, and put your hand on my thigh (no - higher!), as we embark on a strange journey together through the cesspool of the global village...





I welcome suggestions for strange websites.
If you would like to see a feature on a particular website, send the URL to me by clicking this link (http://forum.oddthought.com/private.php?do=newpm&u=1248)

Phuquit
25th January 2007, 11:44 AM
DAVID ICKE

The first subject in this occasional series is (for those of you who haven't guessed already) David Icke.

David was once a rather mediocre professional goalkeeper, but his football career was cut short by arthritis at the ripe old age of 21. Being an educated and well-spoken kind of chap, he landed a job with the BBC as a sports commentator. Preferring the quiet life, he quit broadcasting to become a politician and spokesman for the Green Party. It was only logical that the next entry on his CV would be "The Son Of God"...

At this point, many people suspected that David had suffered some sort of mental breakdown. But for those of us who like to point and laugh at high profile nutters, the best was yet to come...

David has written some 20-odd books of conspiracist drivel, ranging from common-or-garden anti-semitism, to elaborate exposés about the secret rulers of the earth - a group of shape-shifting alien reptiles, most of whom hold positions of extreme power in the world of politics, and includes the entire British royal family.

His views even managed to spark protests from the normally sedate and mild-mannered Canadians during his 1999 book-promoting tour :O

David has many many websites ripping the piss out of him, but his own official site (http://www.davidicke.com/index.php/) is much funnier than all of them combined.
Special attention should be given to his interpretations of 9/11 (http://www.davidicke.com/content/category/6/19/33/), and of course, his fascinating research into the intergalactic lizards, the Illuminati (http://www.davidicke.com/content/category/6/36/57/).

Phuquit
25th January 2007, 04:35 PM
Furcadia

Ah... The joy and innocence of childhood... The world of Beatrix Potter, and The House At Pooh Corner...
For generations, children have delighted at tales of woodland creatures. From the fables of Aesop, right through to the cutting-edge movies of Pixar and Dreamworks. There is something ever so endearing about rabbits and chipmunks frollicking in the wild, and foraging for food with their little twitching noses, and their fluffy little tails.

I found Furcadia (http://www.furcadia.com/) some time ago when I was searching for free online role-playing games. The idea is simple enough - you download and install the software, create your character, and then go off to explore the vast interactive online world that awaits. The avatars themselves are in that curiously Japanese style of anthropomorphosised animals - but as it says on the homepage, "Furcadia is the magical world where the animals have learned to speak and walk upon two legs".

I'm rather impatient when it comes to computer games. I like to rush in where angels fear to tread, and test out the actual gameplay before reading the manual. And so it was with Furcadia... I entered the magical world and quickly found myself outnumbered by vast hordes of disturbing looking creatures straight from the Island of Doctor Moreau (http://www.furcadia.com/screenshots/small_screenshot_01.gif)! Instictively, I tried to draw my weapon, and prepared myself for combat, but to my surprise, these monstrosities started talking to me. I said it was my first visit, so my guide told me he would introduce me to some of the better places in town.
We arrived shortly at some kind of palace, and my guide led me down to what looked like a medieval torture dungeon. Then he started to tell me about his sexual fantasies. Wait - sorry - did I not mention that Furcadia is for perverts?

Regular viewers of CSI might well have seen the episode where somebody got murdered while attending a convention for "plushies" and "furries". These are people who get erotic fulfillment from dressing up, and looking at others dressed up as bushy-tailed animals. It turns out it wasn't just the scriptwriters playing mindgames - these are real fetishists! And Furcadia has tens of thousands of members! I guess their society has the following heirarchy - the totally unsuspecting, the curious, the devotees, and the truly hardcore, for whom the mere physical act of lovemaking with another human being dressed as an animal is not as stimulating as having poorly animated digital sex with something that looks like this (http://www.furcadia.com/screenshots/small_screenshot_03.gif).

I cannot precisely quantify just how wrong the whole concept of Furcadia is. I can simply tell you that it is horribly wrong on just about every conceivable level, and probably on most inconceivable levels as well. But don't take my word for it - see for yourself. My handle is SexyPandaBitch94. I'll be waiting fur you...

Phuquit
11th February 2007, 01:59 PM
Sexy little bitches

I'd like to apologise for the delay since my last post. The reason it's taken me so long to update this thread is, well, I always get a little bit sad around this time of year...
It's been a whole week since Superbowl Sunday, and that means it's another seven months until a new season of NFL begins. Therein lies the problem...
Don't get me wrong - I don't enjoy the spectacle of watching 300lb men in spandex tights and gimp masks running around for 5 whole seconds at a time before we cut to commercials - I just have this thing for the cheerleaders, with their tiny little skirts, bare midriffs, and, uh, the pompoms...

So how is a man like me supposed to fill the seven month void of row upon row of perfect teeth framed by bottle blonde hair?
Answer: I turn to Google.

Did you know that most NFL franchises' cheerleaders have their own website?
Of course you do *knowing wink*
But did you know that you can buy replica cheerleader outfits online for the woman in your life?
Of course you do *knowing wink*
But wait - I bet you haven't seen this (http://www.dachshundsdressedforshow.com/dog-harness-cheerleading-dress.html), and if you have - SHAME ON YOU!

Jacx edit: David ... do they do goats?