YetAnotherKitten
13th May 2007, 11:14 PM
Actually.. I don't remember if his middle name is Joseph or James.
There is a lot I don't know actually and its really tragic.
I never asked him about his childhood. I always wanted him to be there and hold my hand and play cards and play the drums.
He was either the funniest guy or the meanest guy in the world, with not much in between.
He lOVED people. He liked to work hard but he also liked to take shortcuts.
He did a fair amount of theft and con artistry and he stole my heart from birth.
When I was younger he was buff, its strange to look at him as a child or in these older years. He was SO STRONG!!! He always told me I had to be strong too.
I was telling my Uncle about why we are going to spread his ashes in Tahoe and he said "yes your sister said you liked to hiked there". But NO, we did not like hike there. HE DRAGGED US TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN.
One tim we climbed in The Eagle Caps. We only climbed a hill but it was hailing, and on the way to the top we passed a tree that was struck by lightning recently. I was 9 years old.
But it was beautiful at the top and I was glad that he brought me there. My sister was sick so she stayed in the truck. I would have followed him through a vat of shit I think.
He saved my life too.
We were in san diego I think at some random beach on one of his adventures, everyone was out in the deeper parts of the ocean and I was a really good swimmer for my age. but I had taken lessons in the pool and I went too far and got pulled into the undertow. I think that was a few years before the eagle caps event. Not sure but I remember that I was really close to running out of breath when I felt this arm pull my right out of the water and drag me to shore. Of course I heard all sorts of curse words and yelling to break me out of my state of shock. Thanks pops, no I won't do that again. I'll sit here on the beach and be good. :D
People were always older than me so I learned to entertain myself.
He was a devout christian, even through the later messier years.
Every postcard and letter was signed "with gods blessings".
Of course each time I saw him get farther from society and each year I fell farther away from the baptist church he tried to raise me in.
Those words lose their meaning when you hear them from the man who says the same things in every postcard.
He was the best teacher I think becuase when you did good he was very happy and when you did bad he was really pissed.
He taught me how to play pinochle, chess, and checkers and probably soemthing else. he taught me how to make the game interesting by talking smack to the other players. That still is and always be my favorite part of the game.
His family is full of competitors. In the best times when we vistied my uncles we really had to beg to get to play but when you did you really had to count cards and stay sharp. Although I never really got good at bidding, I was great at counting cards and talking lots of smack!! Dad would get mad when I wasn't on his team.
Last time I saw him was Christmas of 05 I think...I whooped his ass at pinochle. It kinda bummed me out. Its like when you see this tomcat thats lost his spirit.
This man was so full of personality and life on the streets and the lonliess of Alaska (he was all over the US by this time) had nearly broken him.
Unfortunately he had a terrible drinking problem, which he used to medicate himself for Bi-Polar Disorder.
He had lived with my sister for a while after getting caught in the floods of southern cali (lots of homeless were living in tents when this happened and got sick). She let him babysit my niece and he did as good a job as he did with me (except I think he played card games on the net too much) and Tracy said he was "only drinking on the weekends"
But when I went up there I found out this wasn't the case. He got out of control a few times and Tracy and Rees (at the time boyfirend but now husband) finally said enough was enough. he went up to be homeless in Seattle. After that he kept saying he was going to go to Hawaii. I was like *yea right* as we kept in touch in email I begged him to straighten up and get a real job or go to school SOMETHING ANYTHING. But I was still a little girl to him and he couldnt handle the fact that I was grown up and attending college out of my own hardwork and wit. He told me that he;'s my father and I'm supposed to love and respect him according to the bible.
Thats when things went really sour.
Most of his emails I said yea thats nice I love you but I didn;t have the energy to care anymore.
He finally got to Hawaii.
I told him that its terrible that he's in Hawaii-- we have no way to contact him. We have no clue he could just die and we would never know. I was in my last year of school and had to take care of business and I couldn't deal with his bullshit.
He called me after I graduated and I was woring really ahrd to get into berklee one day, drunk as all hell. "Lisa Garver, this is your father"
"OH. HI."
"I'm just chilling on the port here. On the beach"
"Thats nice I'm just working my ass off to go to a really big deal school"
"Man.. lisa..."
"Oh my god, are you fuckign drunk??"
"I've had a few but.."
"Why the fuck do you call me when you are drunk??"
" Well I..""
*click*
Didn't hear form him for 3 weeks. Tracy had hunted him down as I pretended not to care.
He was in jail for assult on a security officer at a grocery store. He got busted shoplifting alcohol and fought back as they prolly treated him roughly.
While he was in jail I refuse to mail him letters. I was too busy.
When he got out I was in Boston. My sister had given him my number. I was shocked and I didn't knwo what to say to him, I spoke with littler to no affect. He said his phone card was running out and he'd call me tomorrow.
He didn't call and I realized that I'm an asshole. I email him a huge apology and told him that I want him to get better and stop livign like that.
He was determined to be a survivor and help his "fellow homeless"
He finally said that he was going to go to an inpatient facility...
The last emil he sent me said he was goign to write letters.
A month went by adn I didnt get any.. I wondered abotu him but I had no way to call him and plus i was so stressed about school.
It's so hard here. Just living in ths city is hard. And working and trying to be a good singer with little to no background. Not having my mom (who babies me a lot) to let me cry on her shoulder and help me along quite as much. I was pretty, well VERY self centered. Some people got pushed to the background. And then one day when I was doing really good. I was on top of everything and nearing finals and my relationships were going okay. I got the phone call.
My sister was bawling. My sister doesnt cry unless there is a reason. I was shocked just by that I mmediately stood up and said, "what what what!"
She told me that Dad was found dead in a field. I screamed and cried and then I was in disbelief. How do they know it was him? Some of you may remember the post I made to see if there was anything about him in the papers. Well, the man found dead was him. They didn't have a positive ID until they got the social and his finger prints. They found 32 pills on him. 31 of one kind. 1 of another.
So thats who he is and thats why I want people to think about these words by sufjan stevens
http://img526.imageshack.us/img526/8995/photo192pg3.jpg
Oh great intentions
I've got the best of interventions
But when the ads come
I think about it now
In my infliction
Entrepreneurial conditions
Take us to glory
I think about it now
Cannot conversations cull united nations?
If you got the patience, celebrate the ancients
Cannot all creation call it celebration?
Or united nation. Put it to your head.
Oh great white city
I've got the adequate committee
Where have your walls gone?
I think about it now
Chicago, in fashion, the soft drinks, expansion
Oh Columbia!
From Paris, incentive, like Cream of Wheat invented,
The Ferris Wheel!
Oh great intentions
Covenant with the imitation
Have you no conscience?
I think about it now
Oh God of Progress
Have you degraded or forgot us?
Where have your laws gone?
I think about it now
Ancient hieroglyphic or the South Pacific
Typically terrific, busy and prolific
Classical devotion, architect promotion
Lacking in emotion. Think about it now.
Chicago, the New Age, but what would Frank Lloyd Wright say?
Oh Columbia!
Amusement or treasure, these optimistic pleasures
Like the Ferris Wheel!
Cannot conversations cull united nations?
If you got the patience, celebrate the ancients
Columbia!
I cried myself to sleep last night
And the ghost of Carl, he approached my window
I was hypnotized, I was asked
To improvise
On the attitude, the regret
Of a thousand centuries of death
Even with the heart of terror and the superstitious wearer
I am riding all alone
I am writing all alone
Even in my best condition, counting all the superstition
I am riding all alone
I am running all alone
And we laughed at the beatitudes of a thousand lines
We were asked at the attitudes
They reminded us of death
Even with the rest belated, everything is antiquated
Are you writing from the heart?
Are you writing from the heart?
Even in his heart the Devil has to know the water level
Are you writing from the heart?
Are you writing from the heart?
And I cried myself to sleep last night
For the Earth, and materials, they may sound just right to me
Even with the rest belated, everything is antiquated
Are you writing from the heart?
Are you writing from the heart?
Even in his heart the Devil has to know the water level
Are you writing from the heart?
Are you writing from the heart?
And of course I added Monty Python. Even in his worst years he always wanted everyone to be happy and celebrate (my dad... and porbably monty python too).
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...
There is a lot I don't know actually and its really tragic.
I never asked him about his childhood. I always wanted him to be there and hold my hand and play cards and play the drums.
He was either the funniest guy or the meanest guy in the world, with not much in between.
He lOVED people. He liked to work hard but he also liked to take shortcuts.
He did a fair amount of theft and con artistry and he stole my heart from birth.
When I was younger he was buff, its strange to look at him as a child or in these older years. He was SO STRONG!!! He always told me I had to be strong too.
I was telling my Uncle about why we are going to spread his ashes in Tahoe and he said "yes your sister said you liked to hiked there". But NO, we did not like hike there. HE DRAGGED US TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN.
One tim we climbed in The Eagle Caps. We only climbed a hill but it was hailing, and on the way to the top we passed a tree that was struck by lightning recently. I was 9 years old.
But it was beautiful at the top and I was glad that he brought me there. My sister was sick so she stayed in the truck. I would have followed him through a vat of shit I think.
He saved my life too.
We were in san diego I think at some random beach on one of his adventures, everyone was out in the deeper parts of the ocean and I was a really good swimmer for my age. but I had taken lessons in the pool and I went too far and got pulled into the undertow. I think that was a few years before the eagle caps event. Not sure but I remember that I was really close to running out of breath when I felt this arm pull my right out of the water and drag me to shore. Of course I heard all sorts of curse words and yelling to break me out of my state of shock. Thanks pops, no I won't do that again. I'll sit here on the beach and be good. :D
People were always older than me so I learned to entertain myself.
He was a devout christian, even through the later messier years.
Every postcard and letter was signed "with gods blessings".
Of course each time I saw him get farther from society and each year I fell farther away from the baptist church he tried to raise me in.
Those words lose their meaning when you hear them from the man who says the same things in every postcard.
He was the best teacher I think becuase when you did good he was very happy and when you did bad he was really pissed.
He taught me how to play pinochle, chess, and checkers and probably soemthing else. he taught me how to make the game interesting by talking smack to the other players. That still is and always be my favorite part of the game.
His family is full of competitors. In the best times when we vistied my uncles we really had to beg to get to play but when you did you really had to count cards and stay sharp. Although I never really got good at bidding, I was great at counting cards and talking lots of smack!! Dad would get mad when I wasn't on his team.
Last time I saw him was Christmas of 05 I think...I whooped his ass at pinochle. It kinda bummed me out. Its like when you see this tomcat thats lost his spirit.
This man was so full of personality and life on the streets and the lonliess of Alaska (he was all over the US by this time) had nearly broken him.
Unfortunately he had a terrible drinking problem, which he used to medicate himself for Bi-Polar Disorder.
He had lived with my sister for a while after getting caught in the floods of southern cali (lots of homeless were living in tents when this happened and got sick). She let him babysit my niece and he did as good a job as he did with me (except I think he played card games on the net too much) and Tracy said he was "only drinking on the weekends"
But when I went up there I found out this wasn't the case. He got out of control a few times and Tracy and Rees (at the time boyfirend but now husband) finally said enough was enough. he went up to be homeless in Seattle. After that he kept saying he was going to go to Hawaii. I was like *yea right* as we kept in touch in email I begged him to straighten up and get a real job or go to school SOMETHING ANYTHING. But I was still a little girl to him and he couldnt handle the fact that I was grown up and attending college out of my own hardwork and wit. He told me that he;'s my father and I'm supposed to love and respect him according to the bible.
Thats when things went really sour.
Most of his emails I said yea thats nice I love you but I didn;t have the energy to care anymore.
He finally got to Hawaii.
I told him that its terrible that he's in Hawaii-- we have no way to contact him. We have no clue he could just die and we would never know. I was in my last year of school and had to take care of business and I couldn't deal with his bullshit.
He called me after I graduated and I was woring really ahrd to get into berklee one day, drunk as all hell. "Lisa Garver, this is your father"
"OH. HI."
"I'm just chilling on the port here. On the beach"
"Thats nice I'm just working my ass off to go to a really big deal school"
"Man.. lisa..."
"Oh my god, are you fuckign drunk??"
"I've had a few but.."
"Why the fuck do you call me when you are drunk??"
" Well I..""
*click*
Didn't hear form him for 3 weeks. Tracy had hunted him down as I pretended not to care.
He was in jail for assult on a security officer at a grocery store. He got busted shoplifting alcohol and fought back as they prolly treated him roughly.
While he was in jail I refuse to mail him letters. I was too busy.
When he got out I was in Boston. My sister had given him my number. I was shocked and I didn't knwo what to say to him, I spoke with littler to no affect. He said his phone card was running out and he'd call me tomorrow.
He didn't call and I realized that I'm an asshole. I email him a huge apology and told him that I want him to get better and stop livign like that.
He was determined to be a survivor and help his "fellow homeless"
He finally said that he was going to go to an inpatient facility...
The last emil he sent me said he was goign to write letters.
A month went by adn I didnt get any.. I wondered abotu him but I had no way to call him and plus i was so stressed about school.
It's so hard here. Just living in ths city is hard. And working and trying to be a good singer with little to no background. Not having my mom (who babies me a lot) to let me cry on her shoulder and help me along quite as much. I was pretty, well VERY self centered. Some people got pushed to the background. And then one day when I was doing really good. I was on top of everything and nearing finals and my relationships were going okay. I got the phone call.
My sister was bawling. My sister doesnt cry unless there is a reason. I was shocked just by that I mmediately stood up and said, "what what what!"
She told me that Dad was found dead in a field. I screamed and cried and then I was in disbelief. How do they know it was him? Some of you may remember the post I made to see if there was anything about him in the papers. Well, the man found dead was him. They didn't have a positive ID until they got the social and his finger prints. They found 32 pills on him. 31 of one kind. 1 of another.
So thats who he is and thats why I want people to think about these words by sufjan stevens
http://img526.imageshack.us/img526/8995/photo192pg3.jpg
Oh great intentions
I've got the best of interventions
But when the ads come
I think about it now
In my infliction
Entrepreneurial conditions
Take us to glory
I think about it now
Cannot conversations cull united nations?
If you got the patience, celebrate the ancients
Cannot all creation call it celebration?
Or united nation. Put it to your head.
Oh great white city
I've got the adequate committee
Where have your walls gone?
I think about it now
Chicago, in fashion, the soft drinks, expansion
Oh Columbia!
From Paris, incentive, like Cream of Wheat invented,
The Ferris Wheel!
Oh great intentions
Covenant with the imitation
Have you no conscience?
I think about it now
Oh God of Progress
Have you degraded or forgot us?
Where have your laws gone?
I think about it now
Ancient hieroglyphic or the South Pacific
Typically terrific, busy and prolific
Classical devotion, architect promotion
Lacking in emotion. Think about it now.
Chicago, the New Age, but what would Frank Lloyd Wright say?
Oh Columbia!
Amusement or treasure, these optimistic pleasures
Like the Ferris Wheel!
Cannot conversations cull united nations?
If you got the patience, celebrate the ancients
Columbia!
I cried myself to sleep last night
And the ghost of Carl, he approached my window
I was hypnotized, I was asked
To improvise
On the attitude, the regret
Of a thousand centuries of death
Even with the heart of terror and the superstitious wearer
I am riding all alone
I am writing all alone
Even in my best condition, counting all the superstition
I am riding all alone
I am running all alone
And we laughed at the beatitudes of a thousand lines
We were asked at the attitudes
They reminded us of death
Even with the rest belated, everything is antiquated
Are you writing from the heart?
Are you writing from the heart?
Even in his heart the Devil has to know the water level
Are you writing from the heart?
Are you writing from the heart?
And I cried myself to sleep last night
For the Earth, and materials, they may sound just right to me
Even with the rest belated, everything is antiquated
Are you writing from the heart?
Are you writing from the heart?
Even in his heart the Devil has to know the water level
Are you writing from the heart?
Are you writing from the heart?
And of course I added Monty Python. Even in his worst years he always wanted everyone to be happy and celebrate (my dad... and porbably monty python too).
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...