The Psychology of dating.

[Uganja]

I've often found during my various sexual escapades in the last few years, that when engaging in any type of casual fun or dating with a girl, i find myself in the position of being liked more than i like the person in return.

The outcome of this imbalance of "likingness" that i instantly lose interest in the other person, because often when you really like someone (or at least with me) it sometimes causes a part of you to be irrational or act differently to how you usually would. But never the less, the thought of someone liking me alot more than i do them, given that i've obviously known them for the same amount of time they've known me - is very intimidating. Or even immensely unattractive.


So why, now, once the shoe is on the other foot. Did I act irrationally, over the top with my emotions and therefore scare away the only woman who i'd consider "girlfriend material" in the last 2 years of being single, knowing full well how i would react if the roles were reversed?


Anyone else sick of playing games?

[Buckledmac]

what goes around comes around unfortunately :S

give her some of the Jay charm mate, surely you can win her round fella

[Expectation]

it sometimes causes a part of you to be irrational or act differently to how you usually would.

Anyone else sick of playing games?


If you above statement is true, the are you not really playing a game. It seems it is more of a cause and effect. Cause: You like the girl (or not) Effect: Behave in such a way that is based on your cumulative experiences in these situations.


(Yes, Oddthought should have a spell check because I suck at spelling.)

[dave]

sods law

[Uganja]

If you above statement is true, the are you not really playing a game. It seems it is more of a cause and effect. Cause: You like the girl (or not) Effect: Behave in such a way that is based on your cumulative experiences in these situations.


Absolutely true, but my arguement is that in order to win over the person or situation, how come game playing becomes more advantageous than being open and honest?








What goes around comes around is spot on si, cheers for bringing that up :(

[YetAnotherKitten]

Absolutely true, but my arguement is that in order to win over the person or situation, how come game playing becomes more advantageous than being open and honest?








What goes around comes around is spot on si, cheers for bringing that up :(

Well maybe you should stop thinking about "winning them over" and try to think about who they are as a person. Enjoy your moments with that person and if they want to walk away let them.

What exactly did you do to "scare her away"??

Are you having sex with theswe women before you consider a relationship?

[Expectation]

Absolutely true, but my arguement is that in order to win over the person or situation, how come game playing becomes more advantageous than being open and honest?





The easy answer is becuase we lack the self-confidence it takes to open up. It takes years to mature....wait what am I saying, I have no idea what I'm talking about :hidey:

Don't we all become mush around prospective significant others. And aren't people afriad to find out that the real you isnt as cool as you want the other person to believe.

And congrats on your 23rd birthday next week. Wouldn't you say that your relationships are better now than at 18. I'm sure that you believe that you play less "games" now than you did then.

[F8SentMe]

I believe that it may be more of the "we want what we cant have" or the "challenge" factor. There is something to be said for the challenge in attaining a person's heart. If someone just meets you and all of a sudden they want to spend every waking moment with you that surely raises a big red "DESPERATE" flag.:| At least it does with me and I for one would prefer to have a mate who is much less needy. Someone who can have a great time when you're around but also have a good time when you're not. It's a lot of responsibility when someone else puts you in charge of their happiness as well as your own. Each of us should be responsible for our own instead of putting the burden on a potential mate.

I am the QUEEN of karma and what goes around comes around so that's something to think about as well.

However, in your case JAY she's probably just intimidated because you are prettier than she is I know I would be:hehe:

[Aeon]

Anyone else sick of playing games?



I know exactly what you are talking about......

believe me


There is no balance... I do not believe in young love at all anymore...

I am fed up with games and bullshit aswell.

[Uganja]

I believe that it may be more of the "we want what we cant have" or the "challenge" factor. There is something to be said for the challenge in attaining a person's heart. If someone just meets you and all of a sudden they want to spend every waking moment with you that surely raises a big red "DESPERATE" flag.:| At least it does with me and I for one would prefer to have a mate who is much less needy. Someone who can have a great time when you're around but also have a good time when you're not. It's a lot of responsibility when someone else puts you in charge of their happiness as well as your own. Each of us should be responsible for our own instead of putting the burden on a potential mate.

I am the QUEEN of karma and what goes around comes around so that's something to think about as well.

However, in your case JAY she's probably just intimidated because you are prettier than she is I know I would be:hehe:

Thats absolutely spot on (apart from maybe the intimidation part haha) - But i know this, i know how i came accross and it was almost as if i was needy, which I most definately am not, far from it, however, as all she had to base her experience of my personality on was how i acted with her... i can hardly blame her decision to never want to see me again....

Her loss :)

I know exactly what you are talking about......

believe me


There is no balance... I do not believe in young love at all anymore...

I am fed up with games and bullshit aswell.

Thats not like you Eryn, I hope you're alright.... as harsh as it sounds i'm glad its not just me who has moments like this - You'll be ok though, your an absolute fox, imagine if you were in the position now but were ugly, fat, lacking personality or all of the above - then you'd truely be fucked. But fortunately you don't have any of those problems :)

The easy answer is becuase we lack the self-confidence it takes to open up. It takes years to mature....wait what am I saying, I have no idea what I'm talking about :hidey:

Don't we all become mush around prospective significant others. And aren't people afriad to find out that the real you isnt as cool as you want the other person to believe.

And congrats on your 23rd birthday next week. Wouldn't you say that your relationships are better now than at 18. I'm sure that you believe that you play less "games" now than you did then.

I really valued these comments mate, you are absolutely spot on there, I'm just climbing the learning curve, and as much as i'd like to think i'm experienced at all this.... actually treating people like girlfriends rather than fuck buddies is new territory to me & i'll hopefully learn to control my emotions with time and try not to be the pathetic loser i saw myself as the other day.

As for playing less games than i did a few years ago, its actually quite the contrary, i was much more niave when i was younger, and wore my heart on my sleeve... took a couple of hurtful times to make me realise that playing games can be more beneficial (at least in terms of control) - but funnily enough, i'm starting to sway the other way again now.... so i'd best prepare myself for a bit of a hurt along the way. Its what makes us stronger as people i guess.

Well maybe you should stop thinking about "winning them over" and try to think about who they are as a person. Enjoy your moments with that person and if they want to walk away let them.

What exactly did you do to "scare her away"??

Are you having sex with theswe women before you consider a relationship?

Your first part was too true, the enjoyment of the moments when they are around i most certainly did, took each day as it came, but found myself falling perhaps more than i should of given the situation i knew she was in (recently split with a long term boyfriend) - But my emotions got in the way, and when she tested me, which i now know she did.... I failed, miserably.

I showed her the way i felt about her in the worst possible way, she found out how much i cared about her by seeing me fly off the handle when she wanted to leave out of the blue, thats where i really fucked up.

The sex comment is irrelevant, i'm different to how i was in that respect this time last year - i held out with her til she was ready, and when she was, i was. Sex was a low priority for me (quite possibly for the first time in my life!)





Jesus, that was an essay... that might well be my longest post :-|

[Buckledmac]

we all experience it at times Jay mate, im sorry if my "what goes around" post was a tad harsh buddy but from my own experience ive found it to be very true.

I myself in the past have made some almighty cock-ups when it comes to women........havent we all:dunno:

but its also true to say that there is plenty more fish in the sea to quote another saying that always seems to come right

[Expectation]

As you may know, I was browsing the old forum and found that Jay was only looking for one type of woman:

http://forum.oddthought.com/imagehosting/29746829156b4e8d.jpg

This might be a problem:throw:

(P)

[YetAnotherKitten]

lol Jay wold you really date a girl like that?? I don't think he would..

[Expectation]

It was the picture he posted and asked "Where do I meet chicks like this".

[Uganja]

hehe, that was actually in DarkerTT's signature.

I'd never date her, fuck her a couple of times sure, but she aint girlfriend material.

Lol @ your old school forum browsing - that was a while ago!

[YetAnotherKitten]

yea I remember that... but reality check Jay... I think the girl in that pic is in a different league than you ;)

[Uganja]

true, why should i sell myself short? :dunno:

[YetAnotherKitten]

Hahahaha keep dreaming.

[I_Rock_Glocks]

if you truly like a girl...be yourself, even if its the nervous you that your not used to, just be true...and if she doesnt dig that...then fuck her, shes a waste of time...now if you just wanna pork?....spit game son...spit game